I have lived a very hard life. Since I was in high school I tried to search for the spirtual truth through
drugs. I finally reached the point of insanity, and went to see a mental health professinal. He told me that
I was a parinoid scitzophrenic. He gave me pills that made me shake and sweat. The next time I saw him, I told him all about just what these pills were doing to me. He told me I wasn't taking a strong enough dose, so he doubled it. The next day I went into convultions, and they shot me up with Depokot
to stop my seizers. Then I was thrown into a cell, and they locked the door. While I was in there I heard,
and saw things that weren't ever there. They would always come around to give me more pills, and as long as I was in there, the visions and voices never stopped. While I was in there they called my family
into the York Hospital. They were told to accept the fact that I was scitzophrenic, and would be so for the rest of my life. Then they were told if I didn't get shock treatments that I would be
in a Hospital for the rest of my life. Of course they refused, and they left in tears. After this they drug me out of my cell. I was threatened that if I didn't sign the papers for my own shock treatments, that I would be in a mental ward for the rest of my life. When I refused they got mad, and put me into a ambulance in 4 point restriants, and took me to the State Mental Hospital. When I first got there they
changed my medication, and I did start to feel better for a while. Everyday my shrink would come around, and try to convince me that I was abused as a child. I would never admit to something that wasn't true no matter how messed up I became. Everyday my medication seemed to get stronger, and
stronger, and I became weaker, and weaker with each passing day. Everyday he would come around
and try to convince me that I was an abused child. During this time my parents were called back into
the York Hospital. They ask my parents what were they going to do for themselves now since I
was put away. They ask him just what he meant by this. He then ask them if they were going out to eat
or go to movies in peace finally. They took this to mean that now since they got rid of me, that now they
could celabrate. They told him that they didn't know just what the hell type of doctor he thought he was,
but we just don't throw family members away and forget about them as if they never existed. Then they
walked out on him. I found out that there was a method to all this madness though. Whenever my parents
would call up there to make an appointment to see me, they would be told that I was in a bad shape, and
it would be detremental to both of us if they were to visit me. Whenever I ask about my parents I would be told just to forget about them, because they had thier own lives now. I found that I wasn't the only one to be treated this way. All my friends that had family's that cared about them had the same game played on them also. The reason for this is so both parties will get resentments for one another, this way the mental health system could maintian control of everything. I was in and out of many institutions, and programs for the next 25 years of my life. All the programs of recovery worked in basicly the same way. You would have to admit you are a sick person, and always will be to others in
these programs. They will tell you that you can have a God of your own understanding, but to be accepted by them your higher power must have certin qualitys though. He must be a God of self-rightiousness, fear, and of course obiediance to be accepted by them. I learned that I must surrender all
to God and them, to be accepted by them. So I surrenderd all to my higher power, and everyone around
me that was just trieng to help me. I would go to the mental health meetings, and learn just what was wrong with me through thier labels that were put apon me. Then I would go back to the drug and alcohol meetings, and find out what was wrong with me through thier opinions of my shortcomings and
character defects they saw in me. Through all this time I was living in scitzophenia. I would believe
everything that people said about me, and as long as I was who they wanted me to be I was always shown love and compassion by them. I started to believe I was the worst person that ever lived, and I
feel into a deep depression. All I could feel was anger, resentments, self-pitty and self-lothing. Through these years I tried to commit suicide many times, but I did stay clean and sober. The more I
searched for help, the deeper the whole I was in seemed to get. I lived this way for over 25 years, and
never seemed to get better. I then learned that for God to do something for me, that I must first stand up
and do something for myself. The first thing I did was to tell my shrink to take all the pills that made me
crazy, and shove them. I went through hell detoxing from these drugs, and went through the shakes and
sweats, and heard and seen things that were very disturbing to me. I knew I must stick it out though, because if I would have went to the hospital they would have just told me that I just wasn't taking my
medication, and I would have just ended up right back from where I started, After a few weaks of
detoxing from these drugs I felt just like a brand new person, and all the scitzophernia seemed to disapear. I though that I could help others that had the same problems I had in my life. So I joined a group from nami to become a peer to peer to others. This was a 10 weak class, and I was never late or
missed a day. I thought that everybody in this group liked me, and that everthing was going along just fine. After these classes were over, those of us who stuck it out celabrated our graduation, and we all
recieved our diplomas for taking the peer to peer class. I was happy, and thought I finally had something
to live for, and finally found a purpose for my life after all. So a couple of days after these classes I went to a regular nami meeting. Before I even made it back to the meeting room, I was met by 3 women
from nami, and husseled back to thier office. They told me that I was too sick to attened one of thier meetings, and before returning I must seek help for myself. When I tried to tell them that I was just trieng
to help, one of them stood up, and said help, who did you ever help? This went right along according to
thier plan though, and I was crushed by this. When I got home my mother could tell there was something
wrong with me, so I broke down and told her what had just happenend. She then said that she was going
to call and find out just what the hell was going on. I told her that it was just a waste of time, because they would just through it back on me anyway. So I went downstairs to watch T.V. About a half hour
later she came downstairs wringing her hands, shaking, and crying. She then told me that she didn't know
that I was in such a bad state, and didn't I think it would be best if I went back on my anti-sycotics? This
all worked according to plan, because I almost went to the bar and got drunk, and the voices of hate came back to haunt me. If I would have got drunk they could have just said, we told you so, and I would
be kicked out of the house, and forced to go into some sort of funded housing like bell, and be forced to
take my anti-sycotics. I have to give them credit though, because it almost worked. My mom was still very upset, so I swollowed my pride and went back, and ask her if she though it would be best to go to
the Hospital? She said yes, so when we arrived there she was a nervious wreck, and couldn't give the
nurse all the information she needed to know, so I filled her in on the rest. Then she ask me just what the problem was. I told her that I didn't know, but I was just told I was too sick to be in a meeting for
the mentally ill, and was just kicked out. They called me back in less than a half hour, and I talked to a
nice shrink, that gave me respect for a change. Both my mother and I learned that everything nami said
about me was all based on lies and fabracations. We both learned that A 40 plus year old man should
have the right to his own opinions, and she even agreed with a lot of mine. She said she saw no sign of
mental illness within me, and I should be given the same freedom, and respect that every American
citizen is intitled to. Later we patched things up between us, and my mom told me just what nami told
her to cause all this friction. I learned that she was told the same thing she was told all these years, and
that was I just didn't know how to be obiediant. Then the woman from nami told her, she had a son just
like me at home, and she had to put him in a mental hospital for her own sanity. I couple of days later I
had an appointment with my regular shrink, and thats when I found out just what this whole mess was all about. When I walked into her office, she had a very concerned look on her face, and ask me how I was doing? I said fine and youself? Then she said no not me how are you doing? I then ask her if she knew I was going to nami? She told me no that she didn't know anything about nami. So I started to tell
her about how much I appreciated the chance to help others, and told her I was a peer to peer. She seemed to be getting very upset, and I was rudely interupted. Then she ask how my mother was doing? I then started to tell her about how much of a help to her having me around the house was. She couldn't
seem to be able to listen to much of this eithier. So I was interupted once agian. This time she ask me why I was kicked out? I looked at her with a look of puzzlement, and ask her kicked out, kicked out of
what? Then she blurted out, nami, why did you get kicked out of nami? Then I told her that she just said she didn't know anything about nami. So she didn't know what to say next. So she said well if it is true
that there must be a reason for it. Then she ask me if I didn't think it would be best if I went back on my
anti-sycotics. I ask her why I would ever want to go back on a drug that made me think there was someone around ever corner waiting to kill me, and that made me hear voices telling me to harm others
along with other crazy things. She then said that she didn't know her drugs were doing that to me. I thought, yea right she's only been my shrink for 7 years, and through this time I only told her about 100
times. After this I was courious about just where her little games were going, so I played along. Then she ask me if I had experianced anger, fear, depression or any other feelings that any human would
expieriance in everyday life. Of course I said yes, I had some of those feelings. She then took me through a whole list of drugs she thought might help me. I looked her right in the eye, and ask her if she
really thought these drugs would help me? She couldn't look me in the eye, so she turned her head and said yes. I played along until she told me of the side affects. She told me that these drugs could cause
diebeties in some people, and after this I couldn't keep a striaght face for much longer, so I laughed at her,
and told her that it all makes perfect since to me now. That's why 50% of the mentally ill have diebeties.
She then got mad and left the room for a while, and when she came back she labled me severly scitzo.
This is when I knew all thier educated names of disrespect couldn't ever harm me agian. When I got home I pulled out all my medication slips I had saved from the mail. I never had to pay too much for my
drugs, so I never thought that much about it. I learnd that without me taking my crazy pills the mental health system was loosing over 500$ a month just off me alone. Then I pulled out the nami handbook, and realized it worked the same way as the natzi's manafest, and how they maintianed control
over Gemany. Both did it through ,fear, and faulse respect. I learned that whenever we had a nami meeting we were given an hour glass filled with sand in which we could speak. I could never figure out
why this was though. If somebody cried about how bad thier mental illness was, or talked about thier cat,
or some other insignificant thing that made them happy, they seemed to be able to talk as long as they liked. If somebody really wanted to recover through learning what made them the person they are today,
they were quickly interupted by a fascilatator, and they would talk for the rest of your time. If you tried to
say anything after this, you were told that your time in which you could speak was over. If you tried to
stand up for yourself it was seem as disrespect to them, and everyone would jump on you at once. This
was very easily done through a very simple saying, and that was to keep it in the here and now. This way they could justify all thier interuptions of others, and still be seen as rightious by the mentally ill. This is what I call the double standard of respect. People with a mental illness can see the disrespect
others get by trieng to stand up for themselves, so they don't dare to try it themselves. They will soon
learn that if they are obiediant to staff, and take thier side whenever they see something wrong in somebody elese, they can jump on them also. This helps them, because they can get a chance to give back
some of the stuff they were forced to eat all thier lives, and staff would always see this as a good thing, and give them more and more respect everytime this would happen. Who knows if they are really good
at bashing themselves and others down they may someday be in control of others. This is what they call
being on the road to recovery. I did see people get better through this form of madness though. They can
always think they are better than those around them, therefore making them feel better about themselves.
They won't get paid very much, but it does teach them how to better blend in with society though, because they will become self-rightious just like the rest of all us miserable people in this twisted
society. They will never even realize that total recovery will never be possible for them, because they
will always have to admit, and believe in thier mental illness. Let's face it, we are all who we believe
ourselves to be in life. This leaves recovery impossible for those who believe they are helping others
through this game of deciet. I found that the funniest thing I ever saw nami do, was the nami walks. They
do this to fight the stigma cast agianst them, that thier system put apon them in the first place. They dress
all the mentally ill up with shirts with a skunk on the back, that says stigma stinks, and march them up and down the
street. I can't see how the familys of those with a mental illness see this as a good thing, and actually think this is helping. The way I see it is they don't even realize they are playing the fool to society, and
with every walk the stigma gets stronger. This is all done according to plan, because they will always be
concidered sick. Therefore the mental health system will have a customer for life. I seen them take it so
far as to take the mentally ill to a state park and tell them to clean up all the trash. Then they tell them to
see, they can make a diffrence for the better in this society, and they should be proud of themselves. Then
the staff will go to the department of parks and recreation, and collect a check, and needless to say the
ones who did all the work will never see a cent. This is one reason why we have mental illness in this
world today, because those who have a big heart will always do things for others through thier kindness,
and the more they do, the more others want. Then they have the nerve to yell at them when they don't do
everything they are told. This will always bring mental illness, because these people will try to please
everyone as hard as they can, and these are the ones who get no respect from others, and will alway have a low self-esteem, as long as they are obiediant without standing up for themselves. Then the so called illness will get worse each day. The way I made a full recovery is to follow my heart, and always stand up to what I feel is right. After I was off my anti-sycotics though I found that all that love
and compassion I was getting from the system quickly turned to hate. I would much rather live with respect for myself, than be the one who is pittyed any day. I found that I must first respect and love myself before I could ever hope to love and respect others. I learned through all this where mental illness originates form, it all comes from the Christ. You may think I'm still crazy, but the way I see it
we were all doomed from the start. He told us that in order to recieve God's love we must first believe
that we all were not worthy of God's love accept through him. He told us all that we must obey him, and
his words, and whenever we commit a sin we must get on our knees, and grovel for his forgiveness. This
obiediance was forced apon us all from birth. This is why this whole society runs around thinking they
know what is best for others. Then we try to change others to our own opinions of just who they must be, through our love and compassion. I found the reason for this is that we all still believe the biggest
lie ever known to man. This is that we are all unworthy of God's love unless we believe in our own
self-rightiousness through the Christ. We all think we are doing a good thing by teaching others to be
obiediant to his words. This couldn't be farther from the truth. God created us all with our own
believes and opinions for a reason. We are all equal in his eyes, and there is nobody above or
below anybody elese. Whenever we try to change others to our own perceptions of just who they must
be, it's just like spitting in the face of God himself. This is like saying that we don't believe in his perfection of us all. We must realize we are all different, and God don't make junk. So in actuallity all
mental illness is a lie. The truth is that God never meant for us to live in fear of his judgements, because
he made us all just as he meant for us to be. In reality there really is no right or wrong, because it all works through human perception of others, and just how they must be. This is what brings all the judgements of hate, and self-rightiousness into this world today. The only place I found people that knew
the truth were locked away, and put on drugs to silence them up. I found that these are the ones who really scare us in this society, because they can attian the true love of God no matter what they may face
in life. We could all learn through these truths, but heaven forbid we ever see each other as our equals,
and learn to share this world as one, because then where would we get all get all the money to prove we are better than others. To attain this in this world we must be in athority of others to be on top. Could you ever imagine if we all learned to share this world as one without judgements. It would be a
total turn around, because the people who are labeled with a mental illness today, would be the normal
ones, and those in control would all go crazy. I have found a place in the mental heath system that
accepts me just the way I am without judgements. This place is called Oasis house, and I still go there
today. I have found that in over 80% of mental illness including scitzophrenia, it was all brought on by the judgements of others. I do know that there are some people that were born with an enlarged frontal
lobe in thier brian, and will probably never recover from thier scitzophrenia, but there is always hope
for everybody. I know we are all controled, and made to take drugs through this crazy system. If we can
learn to have pride in ourselves, and just blow off the judgements of others, and learn to just be ourselves, we all could then recover. I know this is very hard to do in this world today, but we must do this for ourselves, and not
worry about what others opinions of us are to make a full recovery. Like I said earlier I had to first
stand up for myself before God would do anything to help me. If we can be honest we are the only ones
that know our own hearts, and no one can tell us otherwise. Today I have been off my crazy pills for
over 5 years now, and everyday is better than the next. I found peace and serinity for myself in spite of
what others may think of me, because I have learned that I can't control anybody elese but myself. If God
would save a miserable wretch like me he would do it for anybody. Today I am a self-published author,
and no signs of mental illness has ever bothered me agian. If you would have known me back when I was
forced to take anti- sycotics you would have probably called me a worse case scitzo. Once I learned the truth about the way the real world is today, I made a full recovery. I know now that where
ever I go there will always be others who will pass judgements against me, but I have learnd how to
just ignore all the self-rightious people, and not listen to them, just as they did with me. I thank God everyday for all the hell I went through in my life, because if I would have never been through all the
suffering I did in my life, I could never have attianed all the wisdom and knowlage I know today. There
would be no way I could enjoy the serinity I found in my life today also. No matter who you are in life the
choise will finally come around to be led to the slaughter through obiediance, or lead the way to a new
and better way of life. I know deep down in my heart I will never kill anyone just because the confomaty of religion tells me I am rightious in doing so. I don't care if you think you are rightious through the blood or not. Just remeber whenever we pass judgement agianst others, and see them as less than,
we are bringing all the evil of the Christ agianst us all. Just remember what the one and only true God
told us many years ago, and that is to judge not, and yee shalt not be judged. I believe that this world
could be a much better place if we all learned to love and accept each other for who they are, and not
live in judgement and fear. I pray that everyone will read this blog, and learn the truth about where all thier judgements of mental illness comes from, because all it is, is a lie in the first place anyway.
WITH LOVE FOR THIS WORLD AND EVERYONE WITHIN IT FOR EVER;
THE EGGMAN; ps. if you like this blog you will love my new book the eggman comith buy it today
on barnes and nobels or amazon and learn more.
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Friday, December 30, 2011
NAMI: National Alliance on Mental Illness | NAMI Store
NAMI: National Alliance on Mental Illness NAMI Store
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Scitzophrnia truth of fiction?
I was once labeled a parinoid sctzophinc and my family was told that I would always be that way and
would probably be in a mental hospital for the rest of my life. For 25 years after this I was in and out
of all sorts of programs and institutions. My family stood by me through all these years, but through
all the programs I went through I lived in a world of self-pitty, and attempted suicide many times. With
the medication I was taking I did hear voices tell me to harm others or myself. I found that my problem
was that I gave my will and my life over to a higher power, and always believed that others knew what
was best for me. I believed all the lies of others ways of seeing me and stayed in a world of depression.
I later found out that the ones in my own family were the only ones who really loved me, and all the
others that were trieng to help me would only tell me deciet, and self-rightiousness and did this through what they thought was love and compassion. I finally learned they didn't really care about me they were just doing this so they could feel better about themselves. After 25 years of scitzophrenic hell I
finally realized that God wouldn't do a thing for me until I first stood up and did something for myself.
First I told my shrink to take all the anti-sycotics and shove them. I went through Hell trieng to detox
from these drugs on my own, but I knew if I would have went to the Hospital they would have just told me that I just wasn't taking my medication and I would have just ended up right back were I started from. After a couple of weeks off my med's I felt just like a brand new person, and it seemed as though my sctzophrenia had went away. I soon found out through groups like nami that before I
could get rid of it for good I must first stand up to all the disrespect, and judgements I was recieving
from others. Once I did this all that love and compassion I was recieving quicly turned into contempt
and hate, and I was kicked out of nami. I was totally crushed, thank God for my mother. She was decieved by them at first so we went to the Hospital to find out why I was to sick to be in a group for
the mentally ill. I found an honest shrink when I went to the hospital this time. At this time I had been
off my medication for about a year. She said that she couldn't see any signs of mental illness within me, and I souldn't have been on anti-sycoyics for all those years anyhow. Both my mother and myself
found out something elese also. That was that a 40 plus year old man should be able to have his own
views and opinions, and be given the freedom that any other American citizen should have. We found out also that everything my mother was told by nami all consisted of lies and fabrications. When I went back to my regular shrink I found out the reason why I had to suffer all these years with
this and it was all a lie to begin with anyhow. I looked at old medication statements and realized that
the mental heath system was loosing over 500$ a month from my SSI. It's all about the money and
who really cares if others suffer in the first place as long as they get thier money. Today I still live with my mother, and she tells me everyday that she didn't know what she would do without me. I also found a place in this system that wasn't filled with self-rightious fools. This place is called Oasis house and they accept me just as I am. Through helping others and the respect of staff here I have learnd to have respect, and love for myself as well as others. I was once told I would never understand the whole conversations of others, and that I would never be able to work agian.
If you look at all the labels put on me throughout the years you could have called me a worse case
scitzo. I found that after I stopped taking my crazy pills, and stood up to all the judgements cast agianst me I actually started to like myself. When I look back on it today I would much rather be respected for who I am rather than be pittyed, and shown fake love and comassion anyway. Today I have been off my crazy pills for over 5 years, and finally found the peace and serinity I was surching for all my life. Today I am a published arthor and I love life. What a change from wishing I was never
born. I found the reason why 80% of scitzophrenia we see today is all brought on by the people who
judge them and put them down, and thier heart is just to big to stand up for themselves in fear of
offending them. All we have to do is follow our hearts, and do the next right thing for yourself instead
of what right in the eyes of others. Just be yourself, and you to may recover. Hell if God saved a wrech like me he would do it for anybody. I do know that some people with scitzophenia are born with
an enlarged frontal lobe in thier brain, and it is doubtful that they will ever recover, but there is always
hope and don't let anybody tell you differnt or you may have this illness for the rest of your life.
I LOVE YOU ALL
EGGMAN
would probably be in a mental hospital for the rest of my life. For 25 years after this I was in and out
of all sorts of programs and institutions. My family stood by me through all these years, but through
all the programs I went through I lived in a world of self-pitty, and attempted suicide many times. With
the medication I was taking I did hear voices tell me to harm others or myself. I found that my problem
was that I gave my will and my life over to a higher power, and always believed that others knew what
was best for me. I believed all the lies of others ways of seeing me and stayed in a world of depression.
I later found out that the ones in my own family were the only ones who really loved me, and all the
others that were trieng to help me would only tell me deciet, and self-rightiousness and did this through what they thought was love and compassion. I finally learned they didn't really care about me they were just doing this so they could feel better about themselves. After 25 years of scitzophrenic hell I
finally realized that God wouldn't do a thing for me until I first stood up and did something for myself.
First I told my shrink to take all the anti-sycotics and shove them. I went through Hell trieng to detox
from these drugs on my own, but I knew if I would have went to the Hospital they would have just told me that I just wasn't taking my medication and I would have just ended up right back were I started from. After a couple of weeks off my med's I felt just like a brand new person, and it seemed as though my sctzophrenia had went away. I soon found out through groups like nami that before I
could get rid of it for good I must first stand up to all the disrespect, and judgements I was recieving
from others. Once I did this all that love and compassion I was recieving quicly turned into contempt
and hate, and I was kicked out of nami. I was totally crushed, thank God for my mother. She was decieved by them at first so we went to the Hospital to find out why I was to sick to be in a group for
the mentally ill. I found an honest shrink when I went to the hospital this time. At this time I had been
off my medication for about a year. She said that she couldn't see any signs of mental illness within me, and I souldn't have been on anti-sycoyics for all those years anyhow. Both my mother and myself
found out something elese also. That was that a 40 plus year old man should be able to have his own
views and opinions, and be given the freedom that any other American citizen should have. We found out also that everything my mother was told by nami all consisted of lies and fabrications. When I went back to my regular shrink I found out the reason why I had to suffer all these years with
this and it was all a lie to begin with anyhow. I looked at old medication statements and realized that
the mental heath system was loosing over 500$ a month from my SSI. It's all about the money and
who really cares if others suffer in the first place as long as they get thier money. Today I still live with my mother, and she tells me everyday that she didn't know what she would do without me. I also found a place in this system that wasn't filled with self-rightious fools. This place is called Oasis house and they accept me just as I am. Through helping others and the respect of staff here I have learnd to have respect, and love for myself as well as others. I was once told I would never understand the whole conversations of others, and that I would never be able to work agian.
If you look at all the labels put on me throughout the years you could have called me a worse case
scitzo. I found that after I stopped taking my crazy pills, and stood up to all the judgements cast agianst me I actually started to like myself. When I look back on it today I would much rather be respected for who I am rather than be pittyed, and shown fake love and comassion anyway. Today I have been off my crazy pills for over 5 years, and finally found the peace and serinity I was surching for all my life. Today I am a published arthor and I love life. What a change from wishing I was never
born. I found the reason why 80% of scitzophrenia we see today is all brought on by the people who
judge them and put them down, and thier heart is just to big to stand up for themselves in fear of
offending them. All we have to do is follow our hearts, and do the next right thing for yourself instead
of what right in the eyes of others. Just be yourself, and you to may recover. Hell if God saved a wrech like me he would do it for anybody. I do know that some people with scitzophenia are born with
an enlarged frontal lobe in thier brain, and it is doubtful that they will ever recover, but there is always
hope and don't let anybody tell you differnt or you may have this illness for the rest of your life.
I LOVE YOU ALL
EGGMAN
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
brain washing and mental illness
I would like to give you some of my history with mental illness in my life. Ever since I was in high school I tried to find the spirtual truth through drugs. I ended up persuing this to the gates of insanity in
my life. So I went to see a mental health professional. He told me that I was a parinoid scitzophreic and I was given drugs that made me shake and sweat. The next time I spoke to my shrink I told him just
what these drugs were doing to me. Then he said that I wasn't taking a strong enough dose so he doubled it. The next day I went into convultions and I was given a shot of depokote to stop my seziers.
Then I was thrown into a small room and locked up. While I was in there my parents were called into
the hospital. They were told to just face the fact that I was scitzophrenic, and without shock treatments
I would remain in a mental hospital for the rest of my life. Then they threw them papers in which to sign
to give me shock treatments. Of course my parents refused to sign thier papers, so they left in tears. After they left I was taken out of my cell, and taken back to a small room in the back. There a social worker told me that I must sign for my own shock treatments or elese I would be in a mental ward
for the rest of my life. When I refused to sign her papers she got so angry that she slammed her fist down on the table so hard that she broke her pincil. I was not a threat to anybody at this time, because I
could barely walk or talk at all. I did manage to mumble out the words, now how am I suppose to sign it
with a broken pincil. Then she got 3 of her bravest orderlys to strap me down in 4 point restraints in an
ambulance. Then I was taken to the State Mental Hospital. There I was givin many drugs, and everyday
my shrink would tell me that I would never get better if I didn't admit I was abused as a child. I would
never admit something that wasn't true to anybody no matter how messed up I became. Every day my drugs would get stronger and stronger and I kept getting weaker and weaker. Everyday he would come
around to get me to believe I was a abused child, but I never believed him. A short time after I was in the State Hospital my parents were called back into the York Hospital. There they were asked that now
since I was put away what were they going to do for themselves? They took this to mean that now since they got rid of thier problem that they should celabrate. They told him that they didn't know just what the hell kind of doctor he thought he was, but we just don't put away family members and pretend they
never existed. Then they walked out. I soon found that there was a method to this madness though. I found that alot of my friends were treated the same I had been. Whenever my parents called up there to
make an appointment to see me, they were told that I was in a bad way, and that it would be detramental
for both of us to see me. I found this game was played on all my friends also. When we ask about our
familys we were told that we must just accept the fact that they had thier own lives now. They do have a reason for all this though, and that is so the family and the one with the mental illness will begin to hold resentments for one another. For the next 25 years I was in and out of many institutions and had been through many diffrent programs. I found that most all of these programs worked in basicly the same way. I found the first thing you must do is to admit you are a sick person. Then you will be told you may have a higher power of your own understanding. You must turn your will and your life over to
him and others in the program. He must be a God of fear, selfrightiousness and of course obiediance for
you to be accepted by these people. The one thing you must do is to admit your way of thinking was stupid, and thats what got you where you are today. So you must learn to just shut up and listen. If you
have any pride in yourself what so ever it must be smashed. They do this by crushing your ego so you
can find humility. This is really jusy another word for obiediance. To be accepted you must admit all the faults that others see in you, and agree with everything writtin in some stupid book written way back when, that is filled with all sorts of things like character defects and shortcomings to keep you down
and obiediant. I found this is all done through humiliation. If you don't follow all thier suggestions and
cry about how bad your problem was, and about how bad your shortcomings were, and how bad off you
are today they would treat you just like the armish would treat someone who has been shuned. They will humiliate you in front of others, and if you try to start a conversation with one of them they will always find an excuse to walk away from you just like you are a piece of dirt. They will keep this up
until you are just as depressed as the rest of them, and always admit you are a sick person to others, then
recovey can begin. I know people today who have many years in this program and still believe they
are like men who lost thier legs, and can't grow new ones. So they will always complian about thier
lives. They never realize through all these years that all they have to do to grow new ones is to get a
backbone to stand up to all the judgements of others. The way these people are able to be decieved for
so long is that they all think they are doing this through love and compassion for one another. When in
reality they are just dwelling in thier own misery. It is true what they say that misery loves company.
I learnd that the mental heath groups have the same way of thinking only more complicated. If your family sees you as differnt, and thinks there is something wrong with you they can cry about whatever
they percive is wrong with you to the mental heath system. Then you will be seen by a shrink, and they
will tell you your family is very concerned about you. Then you will end up labeled with some sort of mental illness. This is when your decline into insanity will begin. From this point on you will be pittyed instead of respected, and everyone around you will force obiediance agianst you through thier so called love and compassion. The shrink will put you on a medication they feel is right for you. This
will make you more compliant to others. Your family will see a change for the better in you, but after a
while your family will start to get angry, because you are not exactally who they want you to be. Then your family will seek help through some sort of group like nami. There they will find masters at the game of judgements of mental illness. I saw one of these women named Rose work in my area. At first
your family will be drawn in by all her sweetness and compassion. As they talk to her they will find that she knows exacatly how it is to live with someone with a mental illness. After they tell her about
all the trouble they have living with you she will be very sympathetic, and tell them that they don't have
to put up with this any longer. After seeing her you will find there will be more judgements, and more
obiediance cast agianst you. With the medication you will be takeing at this time you will find that everyone has turned agianst you, and you can't do anything about it. Living this way could bring down
the most intellegent person in this world. Anybody couldn't control thier anger when it seems like the
whole world has turned against them no matter who they may be. This will be the way your family will
judge you, and your family will feel justifyed in putting you in the hospital through the deciet of groups
like nami. When you get to the hospital there will be a change in your medication. Your shrink will know all the side affects that this medication will have on you. Before you go home your family will be
informed about just what to look out for. At first they will tell you that you are doing much better because now you will be more obiediant to them. After a year or so of living at home though they will
find you doing all the things your shrink warned them of. They will probably seek help through nami once agian. Obediance will be forced apon you once agian, and the same thing will happen as last time. This time though you will find compassion and understanding for what you are going through, and
the people will take your side, and tell you they think it's awful what your family put you through. Your
family will already have resintments agianst you at this time, so it's just a matter of them getting you to have resentments agianst your family. During these times you will always find love and compassion from the system. Eventually they will persade you into thinking that you don't have to put up with living
at home any longer, and that you would be better off on your own. Then you will be put into some sort of public housing. This way the system can maintian control over you and your SSI money. This way they can change your medication around whenever they need more money. When a new medication comes out in the testing faze and because they
are all in bed with the drug companys they can always get more money from your SSI. This is how they make a fortune off the suffering of others. You may think that this doesn't affect you so why should
you even care. Just one simple fact, the mental health system makes more money just off drug alone in
just one year than most countries will ever see in a lifetime. Everytime we pay our taxes we are all payiny for this evil, and this society just accepts it like the fools we all are. When I was going to the groups in nami we were all given an hour glass filled with sand in which to speak. I still can't figure out why this was, because if you talked about how bad your mental illness was getting or talked about
some insignificant thing that made you happy, like your cat or something they would let you speak as long as you liked. If you tried to get serious about your recovery by looking at what made you the way
you are today you were quickly interupted by a facilatator, and they would talk for the rest of your time,
and if you tried to say anything after this you were told your time was up in which you could speak, and
if you said anything after this it was conciderd to be disrespectful to them. I do have to admit that I did
see some people inprove through this program though. When the people with stigmas cast agianst them
see the disrespect the ones who try to stand up for themselves are getting, they don't dare try it for themselves. Soon they will find that if they always are on the side of those in control that they can find some sort of respect from them. They will also find that if they jump on the ones the facilatators have a
problem with they are able to give back some of the stuff they were forced to eat all thier lives. Whenever we put others down and are seen as doing a good thing we can always feel better about ourselves. If you get good at putting yourself and others down you may someday be in control of others.
They call this being on the road to recovery. You won't get paid very much but you can always feel
better than the others around you, so you do live in a delution of grander, and will be congradulated for
it. What these people never will realise is that they must always admit thier mental illness to the ones over them. Lets face it we all become the person we believe ourselves to be in this world, so this leaves no possible way to recover. The way nami keeps the group in control is done through a very simple saying. That is to keep it in the here and now. This leaves it wide open for them to interupt any
time they want. I like to call this the double standard of respect, and if you just look around, you will see it everyday. This saying works very well for them because they can always be seen as the rightious
ones. No matter whatever your problem is you can never get better without being honest about your past , and this is strickly forbiden in the mental health field. This is so you will always believe there is
something wrong with you. This way the system can keep all the cash rolling in. There will always be
groups like nami pleading for money for the mentally ill, but don't be decieved the ones with the mental illness will never see a cent. They are always trieng to
fight agianst stigma when the system is what put it apon us in the first place. I have to laugh at the way
this is done or elese I would cry. They dress all the mentally ill up with shirts with a skunk on the back saying stigma stinks. Then they parade them up and down the street, these are called nami walks. They all think they are doing a good thing when in reality they are just putting
more stigma agianst them by making them look like fools. I believe this was thier plan all along, but that's just my opinion. I will never understand why all the family's of people with a mental illness can't
see through all of this, and still feel they are helping. I have to admit that there are some very intellegent
people who try to do the right thing, but they all become incapable of seeing the truth through all thier
classes of how to judge others. I think it's high time this world sees this evil for what it truly is. I pray
for the day that we all treat each other as equals, and accept people just as they are without judgements.
Hell if this would happen there would be no mental illness or drug and alcohol abuse in the first place.
So whenever you feel justifyed in your judgements of others just take a long hard look in the mirrow.
Rememer it is always easier to follow others than to stand up to whatever you believe to be true in your
heart, and isn't that what true love is about anyhow?
WITH LOVE FOR THIS WORLD AND EVERYONE WITHIN IT FOR EVER
THE EGGMAN
my life. So I went to see a mental health professional. He told me that I was a parinoid scitzophreic and I was given drugs that made me shake and sweat. The next time I spoke to my shrink I told him just
what these drugs were doing to me. Then he said that I wasn't taking a strong enough dose so he doubled it. The next day I went into convultions and I was given a shot of depokote to stop my seziers.
Then I was thrown into a small room and locked up. While I was in there my parents were called into
the hospital. They were told to just face the fact that I was scitzophrenic, and without shock treatments
I would remain in a mental hospital for the rest of my life. Then they threw them papers in which to sign
to give me shock treatments. Of course my parents refused to sign thier papers, so they left in tears. After they left I was taken out of my cell, and taken back to a small room in the back. There a social worker told me that I must sign for my own shock treatments or elese I would be in a mental ward
for the rest of my life. When I refused to sign her papers she got so angry that she slammed her fist down on the table so hard that she broke her pincil. I was not a threat to anybody at this time, because I
could barely walk or talk at all. I did manage to mumble out the words, now how am I suppose to sign it
with a broken pincil. Then she got 3 of her bravest orderlys to strap me down in 4 point restraints in an
ambulance. Then I was taken to the State Mental Hospital. There I was givin many drugs, and everyday
my shrink would tell me that I would never get better if I didn't admit I was abused as a child. I would
never admit something that wasn't true to anybody no matter how messed up I became. Every day my drugs would get stronger and stronger and I kept getting weaker and weaker. Everyday he would come
around to get me to believe I was a abused child, but I never believed him. A short time after I was in the State Hospital my parents were called back into the York Hospital. There they were asked that now
since I was put away what were they going to do for themselves? They took this to mean that now since they got rid of thier problem that they should celabrate. They told him that they didn't know just what the hell kind of doctor he thought he was, but we just don't put away family members and pretend they
never existed. Then they walked out. I soon found that there was a method to this madness though. I found that alot of my friends were treated the same I had been. Whenever my parents called up there to
make an appointment to see me, they were told that I was in a bad way, and that it would be detramental
for both of us to see me. I found this game was played on all my friends also. When we ask about our
familys we were told that we must just accept the fact that they had thier own lives now. They do have a reason for all this though, and that is so the family and the one with the mental illness will begin to hold resentments for one another. For the next 25 years I was in and out of many institutions and had been through many diffrent programs. I found that most all of these programs worked in basicly the same way. I found the first thing you must do is to admit you are a sick person. Then you will be told you may have a higher power of your own understanding. You must turn your will and your life over to
him and others in the program. He must be a God of fear, selfrightiousness and of course obiediance for
you to be accepted by these people. The one thing you must do is to admit your way of thinking was stupid, and thats what got you where you are today. So you must learn to just shut up and listen. If you
have any pride in yourself what so ever it must be smashed. They do this by crushing your ego so you
can find humility. This is really jusy another word for obiediance. To be accepted you must admit all the faults that others see in you, and agree with everything writtin in some stupid book written way back when, that is filled with all sorts of things like character defects and shortcomings to keep you down
and obiediant. I found this is all done through humiliation. If you don't follow all thier suggestions and
cry about how bad your problem was, and about how bad your shortcomings were, and how bad off you
are today they would treat you just like the armish would treat someone who has been shuned. They will humiliate you in front of others, and if you try to start a conversation with one of them they will always find an excuse to walk away from you just like you are a piece of dirt. They will keep this up
until you are just as depressed as the rest of them, and always admit you are a sick person to others, then
recovey can begin. I know people today who have many years in this program and still believe they
are like men who lost thier legs, and can't grow new ones. So they will always complian about thier
lives. They never realize through all these years that all they have to do to grow new ones is to get a
backbone to stand up to all the judgements of others. The way these people are able to be decieved for
so long is that they all think they are doing this through love and compassion for one another. When in
reality they are just dwelling in thier own misery. It is true what they say that misery loves company.
I learnd that the mental heath groups have the same way of thinking only more complicated. If your family sees you as differnt, and thinks there is something wrong with you they can cry about whatever
they percive is wrong with you to the mental heath system. Then you will be seen by a shrink, and they
will tell you your family is very concerned about you. Then you will end up labeled with some sort of mental illness. This is when your decline into insanity will begin. From this point on you will be pittyed instead of respected, and everyone around you will force obiediance agianst you through thier so called love and compassion. The shrink will put you on a medication they feel is right for you. This
will make you more compliant to others. Your family will see a change for the better in you, but after a
while your family will start to get angry, because you are not exactally who they want you to be. Then your family will seek help through some sort of group like nami. There they will find masters at the game of judgements of mental illness. I saw one of these women named Rose work in my area. At first
your family will be drawn in by all her sweetness and compassion. As they talk to her they will find that she knows exacatly how it is to live with someone with a mental illness. After they tell her about
all the trouble they have living with you she will be very sympathetic, and tell them that they don't have
to put up with this any longer. After seeing her you will find there will be more judgements, and more
obiediance cast agianst you. With the medication you will be takeing at this time you will find that everyone has turned agianst you, and you can't do anything about it. Living this way could bring down
the most intellegent person in this world. Anybody couldn't control thier anger when it seems like the
whole world has turned against them no matter who they may be. This will be the way your family will
judge you, and your family will feel justifyed in putting you in the hospital through the deciet of groups
like nami. When you get to the hospital there will be a change in your medication. Your shrink will know all the side affects that this medication will have on you. Before you go home your family will be
informed about just what to look out for. At first they will tell you that you are doing much better because now you will be more obiediant to them. After a year or so of living at home though they will
find you doing all the things your shrink warned them of. They will probably seek help through nami once agian. Obediance will be forced apon you once agian, and the same thing will happen as last time. This time though you will find compassion and understanding for what you are going through, and
the people will take your side, and tell you they think it's awful what your family put you through. Your
family will already have resintments agianst you at this time, so it's just a matter of them getting you to have resentments agianst your family. During these times you will always find love and compassion from the system. Eventually they will persade you into thinking that you don't have to put up with living
at home any longer, and that you would be better off on your own. Then you will be put into some sort of public housing. This way the system can maintian control over you and your SSI money. This way they can change your medication around whenever they need more money. When a new medication comes out in the testing faze and because they
are all in bed with the drug companys they can always get more money from your SSI. This is how they make a fortune off the suffering of others. You may think that this doesn't affect you so why should
you even care. Just one simple fact, the mental health system makes more money just off drug alone in
just one year than most countries will ever see in a lifetime. Everytime we pay our taxes we are all payiny for this evil, and this society just accepts it like the fools we all are. When I was going to the groups in nami we were all given an hour glass filled with sand in which to speak. I still can't figure out why this was, because if you talked about how bad your mental illness was getting or talked about
some insignificant thing that made you happy, like your cat or something they would let you speak as long as you liked. If you tried to get serious about your recovery by looking at what made you the way
you are today you were quickly interupted by a facilatator, and they would talk for the rest of your time,
and if you tried to say anything after this you were told your time was up in which you could speak, and
if you said anything after this it was conciderd to be disrespectful to them. I do have to admit that I did
see some people inprove through this program though. When the people with stigmas cast agianst them
see the disrespect the ones who try to stand up for themselves are getting, they don't dare try it for themselves. Soon they will find that if they always are on the side of those in control that they can find some sort of respect from them. They will also find that if they jump on the ones the facilatators have a
problem with they are able to give back some of the stuff they were forced to eat all thier lives. Whenever we put others down and are seen as doing a good thing we can always feel better about ourselves. If you get good at putting yourself and others down you may someday be in control of others.
They call this being on the road to recovery. You won't get paid very much but you can always feel
better than the others around you, so you do live in a delution of grander, and will be congradulated for
it. What these people never will realise is that they must always admit thier mental illness to the ones over them. Lets face it we all become the person we believe ourselves to be in this world, so this leaves no possible way to recover. The way nami keeps the group in control is done through a very simple saying. That is to keep it in the here and now. This leaves it wide open for them to interupt any
time they want. I like to call this the double standard of respect, and if you just look around, you will see it everyday. This saying works very well for them because they can always be seen as the rightious
ones. No matter whatever your problem is you can never get better without being honest about your past , and this is strickly forbiden in the mental health field. This is so you will always believe there is
something wrong with you. This way the system can keep all the cash rolling in. There will always be
groups like nami pleading for money for the mentally ill, but don't be decieved the ones with the mental illness will never see a cent. They are always trieng to
fight agianst stigma when the system is what put it apon us in the first place. I have to laugh at the way
this is done or elese I would cry. They dress all the mentally ill up with shirts with a skunk on the back saying stigma stinks. Then they parade them up and down the street, these are called nami walks. They all think they are doing a good thing when in reality they are just putting
more stigma agianst them by making them look like fools. I believe this was thier plan all along, but that's just my opinion. I will never understand why all the family's of people with a mental illness can't
see through all of this, and still feel they are helping. I have to admit that there are some very intellegent
people who try to do the right thing, but they all become incapable of seeing the truth through all thier
classes of how to judge others. I think it's high time this world sees this evil for what it truly is. I pray
for the day that we all treat each other as equals, and accept people just as they are without judgements.
Hell if this would happen there would be no mental illness or drug and alcohol abuse in the first place.
So whenever you feel justifyed in your judgements of others just take a long hard look in the mirrow.
Rememer it is always easier to follow others than to stand up to whatever you believe to be true in your
heart, and isn't that what true love is about anyhow?
WITH LOVE FOR THIS WORLD AND EVERYONE WITHIN IT FOR EVER
THE EGGMAN
Monday, December 26, 2011
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