Reasons for scitzophrenia and other mental illnesses

I have lived a very hard life. Since I was in high school I tried to search for the spirtual truth through
drugs. I finally reached the point of insanity, and went to see a mental health professinal. He told me that
I was a parinoid scitzophrenic. He gave me pills that made me shake and sweat. The next time I saw him, I told him all about just what these pills were doing to me. He told me I wasn't taking a strong enough dose, so he doubled it. The next day I went into convultions, and they shot me up with Depokot
to stop my seizers. Then I was thrown into a cell, and they locked the door. While I was in there I heard,
and saw things that weren't ever there. They would always come around to give me more pills, and as long as I was in there, the visions and voices never stopped. While I was in there they called my family
into the York Hospital. They were told to accept the fact that I was scitzophrenic, and would be so for the rest of my life. Then they were told if I didn't get shock treatments that I would be
in a Hospital for the rest of my life. Of course they refused, and they left in tears. After this they drug me out of my cell. I was threatened that if I didn't sign the papers for my own shock treatments, that I would be in a mental ward for the rest of my life. When I refused they got mad, and put me into a ambulance in 4 point restriants, and took me to the State Mental Hospital. When I first got there they
changed my medication, and I did start to feel better for a while. Everyday my shrink would come around, and try to convince me that I was abused as a child. I would never admit to something that wasn't true no matter how messed up I became. Everyday my medication seemed to get stronger, and
stronger, and I became weaker, and weaker with each passing day. Everyday he would come around
and try to convince me that I was an abused child. During this time my parents were called back into
the York Hospital. They ask my parents what were they going to do for themselves now since I
was put away. They ask him just what he meant by this. He then ask them if they were going out to eat
or go to movies in peace finally. They took this to mean that now since they got rid of me, that now they
could celabrate. They told him that they didn't know just what the hell type of doctor he thought he was,
but we just don't throw family members away and forget about them as if they never existed. Then they
walked out on him. I found out that there was a method to all this madness though. Whenever my parents
would call up there to make an appointment to see me, they would be told that I was in a bad shape, and
it would be detremental to both of us if they were to visit me. Whenever I ask about my parents I would be told just to forget about them, because they had thier own lives now. I found that I wasn't the only one to be treated this way. All my friends that had family's that cared about them had the same game played on them also. The reason for this is so both parties will get resentments for one another, this way the mental health system could maintian control of everything. I was in and out of many institutions, and programs for the next 25 years of my life. All the programs of recovery worked in basicly the same way. You would have to admit you are a sick person, and always will be to others in
these programs. They will tell you that you can have a God of your own understanding, but to be accepted by them your higher power must have certin qualitys though. He must be a God of self-rightiousness, fear, and of course obiediance to be accepted by them. I learned that I must surrender all
to God and them, to be accepted by them. So I surrenderd all to my higher power, and everyone around
me that was just trieng to help me. I would go to the mental health meetings, and learn just what was wrong with me through thier labels that were put apon me. Then I would go back to the drug and alcohol meetings, and find out what was wrong with me through thier opinions of my shortcomings and
character defects they saw in me. Through all this time I was living in scitzophenia. I would believe
everything that people said about me, and as long as I was who they wanted me to be I was always shown love and compassion by them. I started to believe I was the worst person that ever lived, and I
feel into a deep depression. All I could feel was anger, resentments, self-pitty and self-lothing. Through these years I tried to commit suicide many times, but I did stay clean and sober. The more I
searched for help, the deeper the whole I was in seemed to get. I lived this way for over 25 years, and
never seemed to get better. I then learned that for God to do something for me, that I must first stand up
and do something for myself. The first thing I did was to tell my shrink to take all the pills that made me
crazy, and shove them. I went through hell detoxing from these drugs, and went through the shakes and
sweats, and heard and seen things that were very disturbing to me. I knew I must stick it out though, because if I would have went to the hospital they would have just told me that I just wasn't taking my
medication, and I would have just ended up right back from where I started,  After a few weaks of
detoxing from these drugs I felt just like a brand new person, and all the scitzophernia seemed to disapear. I though that I could help others that had the same problems I had in my life. So I joined a group from nami to become a peer to peer to others. This was a 10 weak class, and I was never late or
missed a day. I thought that everybody in this group liked me, and that everthing was going along just fine. After these classes were over, those of us who stuck it out celabrated our graduation, and we all
recieved our diplomas for taking the peer to peer class. I was happy, and thought I finally had something
to live for, and finally found a purpose for my life after all. So a couple of days after these classes I went to a regular nami meeting. Before I even made it back to the meeting room, I was met by 3 women
from nami, and husseled back to thier office. They told me that I was too sick to attened one of thier meetings, and before returning I must seek help for myself. When I tried to tell them that I was just trieng
to help, one of them stood up, and said help, who did you ever help? This went right along according to
thier plan though, and I was crushed by this. When I got home my mother could tell there was something
wrong with me, so I broke down and told her what had just happenend. She then said that she was going
to call and find out just what the hell was going on. I told her that it was just a waste of time, because they would just through it back on me anyway. So I went downstairs to watch T.V. About a half hour
later she came downstairs wringing her hands, shaking, and crying. She then told me that she didn't know
that I was in such a bad state, and didn't I think it would be best if I went back on my anti-sycotics? This
all worked according to plan, because I almost went to the bar and got drunk, and the voices of hate came back to haunt me. If I would have got drunk they could have just said, we told you so, and I would
be kicked out of the house, and forced to go into some sort of funded housing like bell, and be forced to
take my anti-sycotics. I have to give them credit though, because it almost worked. My mom was still very upset, so I swollowed my pride and went back, and ask her if she though it would be best to go to
the Hospital? She said yes, so when we arrived there she was a nervious wreck, and couldn't give the
nurse all the information she needed to know, so I filled her in on the rest. Then she ask me just what the problem was. I told her that I didn't know, but I was just told I was too sick to be in a meeting for
the mentally ill, and was just kicked out. They called me back in less than a half hour, and I talked to a
nice shrink, that gave me respect for a change.  Both my mother and I learned that everything nami said
about me was all based on lies and fabracations. We both learned that A 40 plus year old man should
have the right to his own opinions, and she even agreed with a lot of mine. She said she saw no sign of
mental illness within me, and I should be given the same freedom, and respect that every American
citizen is intitled to. Later we patched things up between us, and my mom told me just what nami told
her to cause all this friction. I learned that she was told the same thing she was told all these years, and
that was I just didn't know how to be obiediant. Then the woman from nami told her, she had a son just
like me at home, and she had to put him in a mental hospital for her own sanity. I couple of days later I
had an appointment with my regular shrink, and thats when I found out just what this whole mess was all about. When I walked into her office, she had a very concerned look on her face, and ask me how I was doing? I said fine and youself? Then she said no not me how are you doing? I then ask her if she knew I was going to nami? She told me no that she didn't know anything about nami. So I started to tell
her about how much I appreciated the chance to help others, and told her I was a peer to peer. She seemed to be getting very upset, and I was rudely interupted. Then she ask how my mother was doing? I then started to tell her about how much of a help to her having me around the house was. She couldn't
seem to be able to listen to much of this eithier. So I was interupted once agian. This time she ask me why I was kicked out? I looked at her with a look of puzzlement, and ask her kicked out, kicked out of
what? Then she blurted out, nami, why did you get kicked out of nami? Then I told her that she just said she didn't know anything about nami. So she didn't know what to say next. So she said well if it is true
that there must be a reason for it. Then she ask me if I didn't think it would be best if I went back on my
anti-sycotics. I ask her why I would ever want to go back on a drug that made me think there was someone around ever corner waiting to kill me, and that made me hear voices telling me to harm others
along with other crazy things. She then said that she didn't know her drugs were doing that to me. I thought, yea right she's only been my shrink for 7 years, and through this time I only told her about 100
times. After this I was courious about just where her little games were going, so I played along. Then she ask me if I had experianced anger, fear, depression or any other feelings that any human would
expieriance in everyday life. Of course I said yes, I had some of those feelings. She then took me through a whole list of drugs she thought might help me. I looked her right in the eye, and ask her if she
really thought these drugs would help me? She couldn't look me in the eye, so she turned her head and said yes. I played along until she told me of the side affects. She told me that these drugs could cause
diebeties in some people, and after this I couldn't keep a striaght face for much longer, so I laughed at her,
and told her that it all makes perfect since to me now. That's why 50% of the mentally ill have diebeties.
She then got mad and left the room for a while, and when she came back she labled me severly scitzo.
This is when I knew all thier educated names of disrespect couldn't ever harm me agian. When I got home I pulled out all my medication slips I had saved from the mail. I never had to pay too much for my
drugs, so I never thought that much about it. I learnd that without me taking my crazy pills the mental health system was loosing over 500$ a month just off me alone. Then I pulled out the nami handbook, and realized it worked the same way as the natzi's manafest, and how they maintianed control
over Gemany. Both did it through ,fear, and faulse respect. I learned that whenever we had a nami meeting we were given an hour glass filled with sand in which we could speak. I could never figure out
why this was though. If somebody cried about how bad thier mental illness was, or talked about thier cat,
or some other insignificant thing that made them happy, they seemed to be able to talk as long as they liked. If somebody really wanted to recover through learning what made them the person they are today,
they were quickly interupted by a fascilatator, and they would talk for the rest of your time. If you tried to
say anything after this, you were told that your time in which you could speak was over. If you tried to
stand up for yourself it was seem as disrespect to them, and everyone would jump on you at once. This
was very easily done through a very simple saying, and that was to keep it in the here and now. This way they could justify all thier interuptions of others, and still be seen as rightious by the mentally ill. This is what I call the double standard of respect. People with a mental illness can see the disrespect
others get by trieng to stand up for themselves, so they don't dare to try it themselves. They will soon
learn that if they are obiediant to staff, and take thier side whenever they see something wrong in somebody elese, they can jump on them also. This helps them, because they can get a chance to give back
some of the stuff they were forced to eat all thier lives, and staff would always see this as a good thing, and give them more and more respect everytime this would happen. Who knows if they are really good
at bashing themselves and others down they may someday be in control of others. This is what they call
being on the road to recovery. I did see people get better through this form of madness though. They can
always think they are better than those around them, therefore making them feel better about themselves.
 They won't get paid very much, but it does teach them how to better blend in with society though, because they will become self-rightious just like the rest of all us miserable people in this twisted
society. They will never even realize that total recovery will never be possible for them, because they
will always have to admit, and believe in thier mental illness. Let's face it, we are all who we believe
ourselves to be in life. This leaves recovery impossible for those who believe they are helping others
through this game of deciet. I found that the funniest thing I ever saw nami do, was the nami walks. They
do this to fight the stigma cast agianst them, that thier system put apon them in the first place. They dress
all the mentally ill up with shirts with a skunk on the back, that says stigma stinks, and march them up and down the
street. I can't see how the familys of those with a mental illness see this as a good thing, and actually think this is helping. The way I see it is they don't even realize they are playing the fool to society, and
with every walk the stigma gets stronger. This is all done according to plan, because they will always be
concidered sick. Therefore the mental health system will have a customer for life. I seen them take it so
far as to take the mentally ill to a state park and tell them to clean up all the trash. Then they tell them to
see, they can make a diffrence for the better in this society, and they should be proud of themselves. Then
the staff will go to the department of parks and recreation, and collect a check, and needless to say the
ones who did all the work will never see a cent. This is one reason why we have mental illness in this
world today, because those who have a big heart will always do things for others through thier kindness,
and the more they do, the more others want. Then they have the nerve to yell at them when they don't do
everything they are told. This will always bring mental illness, because these people will try to please
everyone as hard as they can, and these are the ones who get no respect from others, and will alway have a low self-esteem, as long as they are obiediant without standing up for themselves. Then the so called illness will get worse each day. The way I made a full recovery is to follow my heart, and always stand up to what I feel is right. After I was off my anti-sycotics though I found that all that love
and compassion I was getting from the system quickly turned to hate. I would much rather live with respect for myself, than be the one who is pittyed any day. I found that I must first respect and love myself before I could ever hope to love and respect others. I learned through all this where mental illness originates form, it all comes from the Christ. You may think I'm still crazy, but the way I see it
we were all doomed from the start. He told us that in order to recieve God's love we must first believe
that we all were not worthy of God's love accept through him. He told us all that we must obey him, and
his words, and whenever we commit a sin we must get on our knees, and grovel for his forgiveness. This
obiediance was forced apon us all from birth. This is why this whole society runs around thinking they
know what is best for others. Then we try to change others to our own opinions of just who they must be, through our love and compassion. I found the reason for this is that we all still believe the biggest
lie ever known to man. This is that we are all unworthy of God's love unless we believe in our own
self-rightiousness through the Christ. We all think we are doing a good thing by teaching others to be
obiediant to his words. This couldn't be farther from the truth. God created us all with our own
 believes and opinions for a reason. We are all equal in his eyes, and there is nobody above or
below anybody elese. Whenever we try to change others to our own perceptions of just who they must
be, it's just like spitting in the face of God himself. This is like saying that we don't believe in his perfection of us all. We must realize we are all different, and God don't make junk. So in actuallity all
mental illness is a lie. The truth is that God never meant for us to live in fear of his judgements, because
he made us all just as he meant for us to be. In reality there really is no right or wrong, because it all works through human perception of others, and just how they must be. This is what brings all the judgements of hate, and self-rightiousness into this world today. The only place I found people that knew
the truth were locked away, and put on drugs to silence them up. I found that these are the ones who really scare us in this society, because they can attian the true love of God no matter what they may face
in life. We could all learn through these truths, but heaven forbid we ever see each other as our equals,
and learn to share this world as one, because then where would we get all get all the money to prove we are better than others. To attain this in this world we must be in athority of others to be on top. Could you ever imagine if we all learned to share this world as one without judgements. It would be a
total turn around, because the people who are labeled with a mental illness today, would be the normal
ones, and those in control would all go crazy. I have found a place in the mental heath system that
accepts me just the way I am without judgements. This place is called Oasis house, and I still go there
today. I have found that in over 80% of mental illness including scitzophrenia, it was all brought on by the judgements of others. I do know that there are some people that were born with an enlarged frontal
lobe in thier brian, and will probably never recover from thier scitzophrenia, but there is always hope
for everybody. I know we are all controled, and made to take drugs through this crazy system. If we can
learn to have pride in ourselves, and just blow off the judgements of others, and learn to just be ourselves, we all could then recover. I know this is very hard to do in this world today, but we must do this for ourselves, and not
worry about what others opinions of us are to make a full recovery. Like I said earlier I had to first
stand up for myself before God would do anything to help me. If we can be honest we are the only ones
that know our own hearts, and no one can tell us otherwise. Today I have been off my crazy pills for
over 5 years now, and everyday is better than the next. I found peace and serinity for myself in spite of
what others may think of me, because I have learned that I can't control anybody elese but myself. If God
would save a miserable wretch like me he would do it for anybody. Today I am a self-published author,
and no signs of mental illness has ever bothered me agian. If you would have known me back when I was
forced to take anti- sycotics you would have probably called me a worse case scitzo. Once I learned the truth about the way the real world is today, I made a full recovery. I know now that where
ever I go there will always be others who will pass judgements against me, but I have learnd how to
just ignore all the self-rightious people, and not listen to them, just as they did with me. I thank God everyday for all the hell I went through in my life, because if I would have never been through all the
suffering I did in my life, I could never have attianed all the wisdom and knowlage I know today. There
would be no way I could enjoy the serinity I found in my life today also. No matter who you are in life the
choise will finally come around to be led to the slaughter through obiediance, or lead the way to a new
and better way of life. I know deep down in my heart I will never kill anyone just because the confomaty of religion tells me I am rightious in doing so. I don't care if you think you are rightious through the blood or not. Just remeber whenever we pass judgement agianst others, and see them as less than,
we are bringing all the evil of the Christ agianst us all. Just remember what the one and only true God
told us many years ago, and that is to judge not, and yee shalt not be judged. I believe that this world
could be a much better place if we all learned to love and accept each other for who they are, and not
live in judgement and fear. I pray that everyone will read this blog, and learn the truth about where all thier judgements of mental illness comes from, because all it is, is a lie in the first place anyway.
WITH LOVE FOR THIS WORLD AND EVERYONE WITHIN IT FOR EVER;
THE EGGMAN;  ps. if you like this blog you will love my new book the eggman comith buy it today
on barnes and nobels or amazon and learn more.