brain washing and mental illness

I would like to give you some of my history with mental illness in my life. Ever since I was in high school I tried to find the spirtual truth through drugs. I ended up persuing this to the gates of insanity in
my life. So I went to see a mental health professional. He told me that I was a parinoid scitzophreic and I was given drugs that made me shake and sweat. The next time I spoke to my shrink I told him just
what these drugs were doing to me. Then he said that I wasn't taking a strong enough dose so he doubled it. The next day I went into convultions and I was given a shot of depokote to stop my seziers.
Then I was thrown into a small room and locked up. While I was in there my parents were called into
the hospital. They were told to just face the fact that I was scitzophrenic, and without shock treatments
I would remain in a mental hospital for the rest of my life. Then they threw them papers in which to sign
to give me shock treatments. Of course my parents refused to sign thier papers, so they left in tears. After they left I was taken out of my cell, and taken back to a small room in the back. There a social worker told me that I must sign for my own shock treatments or elese I would be in a mental ward
for the rest of my life. When I refused to sign her papers she got so angry that she slammed her fist down on the table so hard that she broke her pincil. I was not a threat to anybody at this time, because I
could barely walk or talk at all. I did manage to mumble out the words, now how am I suppose to sign it
with a broken pincil. Then she got 3 of her bravest orderlys to strap me down in 4 point restraints in an
ambulance. Then I was taken to the State Mental Hospital. There I was givin many drugs, and everyday
my shrink would tell me that I would never get better if I didn't admit I was abused as a child. I would
never admit something that wasn't true to anybody no matter how messed up I became. Every day my drugs would get stronger and stronger and I kept getting weaker and weaker. Everyday he would come
around to get me to believe I was a abused child, but I never believed him. A short time after I was in the State Hospital my parents were called back into the York Hospital. There they were asked that now
since I was put away what were they going to do for themselves? They took this to mean that now since they got rid of thier problem that they should celabrate. They told him that they didn't know just what the hell kind of doctor he thought he was, but we just don't put away family members and pretend they
never existed. Then they walked out. I soon found that there was a method to this madness though. I found that alot of my friends were treated the same I had been. Whenever my parents called up there to
make an appointment to see me, they were told that I was in a bad way, and that it would be detramental
for both of us to see me. I found this game was played on all my friends also. When we ask about our
familys we were told that we must just accept the fact that they had thier own lives now. They do have a reason for all this though, and that is so the family and the one with the mental illness will begin to hold resentments for one another. For the next 25 years I was in and out of many institutions and had been through many diffrent programs. I found that most all of these programs worked in basicly the same way. I found the first thing you must do is to admit you are a sick person. Then you will be told you may have a higher power of your own understanding. You must turn your will and your life over to
him and others in the program. He must be a God of fear, selfrightiousness and of course obiediance for
you to be accepted by these people. The one thing you must do is to admit your way of thinking was stupid, and thats what got you where you are today. So you must learn to just shut up and listen. If you
have any pride in yourself what so ever it must be smashed. They do this by crushing your ego so you
can find humility. This is really jusy another word for obiediance. To be accepted you must admit all the faults that others see in you, and agree with everything writtin in some stupid book written way back when, that is filled with all sorts of things like character defects and shortcomings to keep you down
and obiediant. I found this is all done through humiliation. If you don't follow all thier suggestions and
cry about how bad your problem was, and about how bad your shortcomings were, and how bad off you
are today they would treat you just like the armish would treat someone who has been shuned. They will humiliate you in front of others, and if you try to start a conversation with one of them they will always find an excuse to walk away from you just like you are a piece of dirt. They will keep this up
until you are just as depressed as the rest of them, and always admit you are a sick person to others, then
recovey can begin. I know people today who have many years in this program and still believe they
are like men who lost thier legs, and can't grow new ones. So they will always complian about thier
lives. They never realize through all these years that all they have to do to grow new ones is to get a
backbone to stand up to all the judgements of others. The way these people are able to be decieved for
so long is that they all think they are doing this through love and compassion for one another. When in
reality they are just dwelling in thier own misery. It is true what they say that misery loves company.
I learnd that the mental heath groups have the same way of thinking only more complicated. If your family sees you as differnt, and thinks there is something wrong with you they can cry about whatever
they percive is wrong with you to the mental heath system. Then you will be seen by a shrink, and they
will tell you your family is very concerned about you. Then you will end up labeled with some sort of mental illness. This is when your decline into insanity will begin. From this point on you will be pittyed instead of respected, and everyone around you will force obiediance agianst you through thier so called love and compassion. The shrink will put you on a medication they feel is right for you. This
will make you more compliant to others. Your family will see a change for the better in you, but after a
while your family will start to get angry, because you are not exactally who they want you to be. Then your family will seek help through some sort of group like nami. There they will find masters at the game of judgements of mental illness. I saw one of these women named Rose work in my area. At first
your family will be drawn in by all her sweetness and compassion. As they talk to her they will find that she knows exacatly how it is to live with someone with a mental illness. After they tell her about
all the trouble they have living with you she will be very sympathetic, and tell them that they don't have
to put up with this any longer. After seeing her you will find there will be more judgements, and more
obiediance cast agianst you. With the medication you will be takeing at this time you will find that everyone has turned agianst you, and you can't do anything about it. Living this way could bring down
the most intellegent person in this world. Anybody couldn't control thier anger when it seems like the
whole world has turned against them no matter who they may be. This will be the way your family will
judge you, and your family will feel justifyed in putting you in the hospital through the deciet of groups
like nami. When you get to the hospital there will be a change in your medication. Your shrink will know all the side affects that this medication will have on you. Before you go home your family will be
informed about just what to look out for. At first they will tell you that you are doing much better because now you will be more obiediant to them. After a year or so of living at home though they will
find you doing all the things your shrink warned them of. They will probably seek help through nami once agian. Obediance will be forced apon you once agian, and the same thing will happen as last time. This time though you will find compassion and understanding for what you are going through, and
the people will take your side, and tell you they think it's awful what your family put you through. Your
family will already have resintments agianst you at this time, so it's just a matter of them getting you to have resentments agianst your family. During these times you will always find love and compassion from the system. Eventually they will persade you into thinking that you don't have to put up with living
at home any longer, and that you would be better off on your own. Then you will be put into some sort of public housing. This way the system can maintian control over you and your SSI money. This way they can change your medication around whenever they need more money. When a new medication comes out in the testing faze and because they
are all in bed with the drug companys they can always get more money from your SSI. This is how they make a fortune off the suffering of others. You may think that this doesn't affect you so why should
you even care. Just one simple fact, the mental health system makes more money just off drug alone in
just one year than most countries will ever see in a lifetime. Everytime we pay our taxes we are all payiny for this evil, and this society just accepts it like the fools we all are. When I was going to the groups in nami we were all given an hour glass filled with sand in which to speak. I still can't figure out why this was, because if you talked about how bad your mental illness was getting or talked about
some insignificant thing that made you happy, like your cat or something they would let you speak as long as you liked. If you tried to get serious about your recovery by looking at what made you the way
you are today you were quickly interupted by a facilatator, and they would talk for the rest of your time,
and if you tried to say anything after this you were told your time was up in which you could speak, and
if you said anything after this it was conciderd to be disrespectful to them. I do have to admit that I did
see some people inprove through this program though. When the people with stigmas cast agianst them
see the disrespect the ones who try to stand up for themselves are getting, they don't dare try it for themselves. Soon they will find that if they always are on the side of those in control that they can find some sort of respect from them. They will also find that if they jump on the ones the facilatators have a
problem with they are able to give back some of the stuff they were forced to eat all thier lives. Whenever we put others down and are seen as doing a good thing we can always feel better about ourselves. If you get good at putting yourself and others down you may someday be in control of others.
They call this being on the road to recovery. You won't get paid very much but you can always feel
better than the others around you, so you do live in a delution of grander, and will be congradulated for
it. What these people never will realise is that they must always admit thier mental illness to the ones over them. Lets face it we all become the person we believe ourselves to be in this world, so this leaves no possible way to recover. The way nami keeps the group in control is done through a very simple saying. That is to keep it in the here and now. This leaves it wide open for them to interupt any
time they want. I like to call this the double standard of respect, and if you just look around, you will see it everyday. This saying works very well for them because they can always be seen as the rightious
ones. No matter whatever your problem is you can never get better without being honest about your past , and this is strickly forbiden in the mental health field. This is so you will always believe there is
something wrong with you. This way the system can keep all the cash rolling in. There will always be
groups like nami pleading for money for the mentally ill, but don't be decieved the ones with the mental illness will never see a cent. They are always trieng to
fight agianst stigma when the system is what put it apon us in the first place. I have to laugh at the way
this is done or elese I would cry. They dress all the mentally ill up with shirts with a skunk on the back  saying stigma stinks. Then they parade them up and down the street, these are called nami walks. They all think they are doing a good thing when in reality they are just putting
more stigma agianst them by making them look like fools. I believe this was thier plan all along, but that's just my opinion. I will never understand why all the family's of people with a mental illness can't
see through all of this, and still feel they are helping. I have to admit that there are some very intellegent
people who try to do the right thing, but they all become incapable of seeing the truth through all thier
classes of how to judge others. I think it's high time this world sees this evil for what it truly is. I pray
for the day that we all treat each other as equals, and accept people just as they are without judgements.
Hell if this would happen there would be no mental illness or drug and alcohol abuse in the first place.
So whenever you feel justifyed in your judgements of others just take a long hard look in the mirrow.
Rememer it is always easier to follow others than to stand up to whatever you believe to be true in your
heart, and isn't that what true love is about anyhow?

 WITH LOVE FOR THIS WORLD AND EVERYONE WITHIN IT FOR EVER
THE EGGMAN